I’ve had one of my grandsons with me for the past two months.  He’s just shy of 16. I love him, but having him around reminds me that I’ve often wondered how so many people make it to adulthood.  I really don’t know why the things he does and says surprise me…after all, I’ve raised 10 kids, half of whom are boys…but with teenagers I think that you need to be one, to live with one!

Caleb Huh
Teenagers…You need to be one, to live with one!

This child is relatively intelligent, I mean he knows which end of his body, his pants go on, and  he can figure out how to use the most complicated of TV remotes, but  putting trash into the garbage can, is an alien concept to him.  In the last 60 days, I’ve found (in the pantry, guest bedroom/bathroom, living room, and kitchen):

Countless numbers of empty cereal boxes

An empty saltine cracker box

Empty Doritos bags

Empty Pringles cans

Bread bags with part of a crust of an end slice

An empty box that held bags of pistachios

An empty 24 count box of Skittles

2 empty Little Debbie boxes

And let’s not forget the fridge…milk jugs with just 1/6th of a teaspoon of milk left in them.

I know that the dear boy can read, but it’s quite obvious that he doesn’t bother with using that skill very often, nor does he exhibit signs of having a vocabulary with many words that are composed of more than one syllable.  Huh?, seems to be his most used expression. Let me share with you a few of our conversations…rather than using his real name, for this post, I’ll call him Bottomless Pit Who’s Brains Have Been Eaten By Zombies.  But – for the sake of brevity, I’ll just go with CLUELESS.

Me – (After finding 3 empty bottles of my body spray colognes in the waste basket in the guest room – HAH – he does know what that round receptacle is for!) Clueless, what did you do with my body spray?

Clueless – Huh?

Me – These bottles of body spray, the ones right here in this waste basket.

Clueless – Yeah?

Me – Yeah what?

Clueless – Huh?

Me – What did you do with the body spray that was in these three empty bottles?

Clueless – I thought they were cans of air freshener.

Me – You’ve got to be kidding!

Clueless – Huh?

Last week…

Clueless – Nonnie, where is the plunger?

Me – {Shudder}We don’t have one.

Clueless – Huh?

Me – We don’t have a plunger, but we do have a drain snake.

Clueless – Huh?

Me – We have a drain snake.  It works better than a plunger.

Clueless – I don’t think so.

Me – Yes, it does.

Clueless – I need a plunger, Abuela.

Me- Well, we don’t have one, so you’ll have to use the snake.

I go into the garage and get the snake, and hand it to Clueless. He stares at the snake, then stares at me, then stares at the snake some more.  The expression on his face, matches his name.

Me – Do you need me to go up and show you how to use this?

Clueless – Huh?

Me – Let me show you how to use this.

Clueless – Ummm, okay, I guess.

I proceed to explain how the snake works, and I hand it over.  Clueless is looking even more so.

Me – Do your want me to fix the toilet.

Clueless – Ummm, okay, I guess.

Up the stairs we go.  OMGOSH.  I’m wondering if we should just march right back down the stairs, and call his grandfather.  I figure the he can stop and get a gas mask, and protective body gear, on his way home.  Oh wait, he’s out of town on business, and won’t be back for 10 days or so.  That is absolutely too long to leave the situation the way it is.  I will have to be brave. I press my face into my shoulder and take a deep breath and hold it. Clueless stands by, looking…well, Clueless.  I wrestle the snake down into the toilet and start cranking.  Nothing gives.  I have to exhale, and take another breath.  Oh gag a maggot.  I yank the snake back out of the toilet, hoping that the water will do down.  No such luck.  Back in it goes, and I crank and crank and crank. Surely it’s plowed through the {pun intended} crap, so I yank it back out.  I cannot believe what I see.  Stuck in the end of the snake, is a paper cup, and about a dozen match sticks.  I look at Clueless.  I look at the contents on the snake, and look back up at Clueless once more.

Me – Why are there matches and a paper cup in this toilet?

Clueless – I flushed them.

Me – WHY?

Clueless – {Yes, you know what’s coming) Huh?

Me – Listen up, and listen good – from this moment on, NOTHING goes in this toilet except toilet paper, and what comes out of your body…either end.  Do you understand me?

Clueless – Yeah, but I don’t know what you’re so upset about.

Me –HUH?

A few days later…

Clueless – Nonnie?

Me – Yes

Clueless – Will you make me some boiled eggs?

Me – Sure.

I take a carton of eggs out of the fridge, and decide to go ahead and boil the entire dozen.  I’m think’n that he can eat a few, and I can make egg salad with the rest.  As soon as the eggs are done, and I’ve got them cooling in a bowl of ice water, I let the man child know that the eggs are ready. A few minutes later…

Clueless – I don’t think that I should have eaten so many eggs.

Me – How many did you eat?

Clueless – 6 or 7.

I call his mother.

Me – Your son just ate half a dozen boiled eggs.

My Daughter – Mom – GET OUT OF THERE!

Earlier this week…

I’m in the kitchen making some chicken salad.  Clueless comes in and starts rooting though the freezer.

Me – Are you hungry?

Clueless – Not very.

Clueless takes a pizza out of the freezer, and grabs a bag of bread.  While eating the bread straight from the bag, he puts the pizza in the oven.  Great – I can have a chicken salad sandwich, and he can have pizza.  No cooking dinner tonight:-)

Clueless – Nonnie, what are you going to make for dinner?

Last night…

Clueless – Abuela?

Me – Yes?

Clueless – Do you have any lighter fluid.

He’s going home tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! 

Teenagers…You need to be one, to live with one!

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0 thoughts on “Teenagers…You need to be one, to live with one!

  1. LOL I have 5 brothers, all of whom are younger than I am and several of which are still teenagers. This about sums up a majority of my conversations with them. They are intelligent and amazing dumb all at once. How does that happen?? – Katy

  2. I cracked up through this whole post, my eyes are watering! It reminded me of growing up with my three brothers.

  3. Yep, sounds alot like my granddaughter, also 15!! I’ve also had her little brother and sister for alittle over 2 weeks, and YEA they go home tomorrow. I have never been so tired of hearing two 4-letter words – Stop & Quit!!! Love them, but lord have mercy, they are handful. Thanks for the laugh, needed that!

  4. Haha…. Hilarious!!!
    I’m just in my mid twenties but I can totally relate to this being the only sister to a whole battalion of brothers!

  5. OMG that was so funny! I’ve had my 14 year old niece stay over for a few days before but it was NOTHING like that. I think boys are worse and plus she’s not your usual teenage girl.

    If this is what I have to look forward to with my son, I don’t know what I’ll do!

  6. Oh my gosh! That was seriously the best and most hilarious thing I’ve read in a very long time. Maybe ever. This reminds me a lot of a certain teenage girl person I’ve had at my house many times. Wow. Seriously, how do any of us survive it? You’re one brave Nonnie!

  7. As long as you keep laughing through these episodes…all is fine. Its when we lose our sense of humor, that we should start to worry. I remember when mine were in their teens….so glad that is over….all the grandkids are under 11 – so soon I will be dealing with that….although they never throw away their garbage….dont understand that. You have a wonderful outlook on life despite your illnesses….have a great day!

  8. LOL I remember being a messy teenager. My poor mom. Hope my daughter doesn’t repay me like that 🙂

  9. I can only guess how frustrated you must be.

    This is one of those, “If I don’t laugh I’m going to hurt somebody” moments.

  10. This is so funny, I am sure it is not for you thought. Teenagers can be clueless at times, and I am not sure when it gets better. I think boys tend to be worse than girls. I remember when I was a kid, my brother broke a bottle of my perfume, and didn’t tell me. We shared a bathroom and the scent was so strong, you couldn’t miss it. When I asked him if he sprayed it he said no, and then I asked him where it was and he said he didn’t know. So I later found the broken bottle in the trash can. LOL, oh well.

    I love the blog title and tag line too, super cute.

  11. I laughed and laughed. years of youth ministry work, and man, I can totally imagine each and every one of the episodes (although the paper cup and matches is a new one!)
    Prayers for you.
    He goes home tomorrow, HA HA HA HA!
    Blessings to you,
    The Welcoming House Blog

  12. I have a little man who reminds me of your grandson….funny thing is he is 7 I better get on him about these things or I might not be able to be as patient as you:)

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