Navigating Your First Foster Child as a New Carer
Starting your first placement is an exciting time for any foster carer. This is the time for getting to know one another, fine-tuning and developing skills, and exploring this role from the inside. Navigating your first foster child is bound to bring an array of emotions to the forefront, but these are all normal. This guide has some advice for creating a positive environment and getting things going in the right way.
Prep Your Home
If you haven’t done this already, it should be a top priority. Prepping your home means many things, the most important of all being to ensure that the bedroom for the child is all up and running before they arrive. Decorate it, tidy it up, and ensure there is a functional bed plus some storage for their belongings. Immediately before they arrive, fill the cupboards and fridge and make things feel comfortable and inviting. You can use your foster care allowance to help you get set up and fill any gaps that might come up in the first few weeks. For instance, some children arrive with very few items of clothing and this will need to be rectified immediately.
Take Your Time
It takes time to gain trust and establish a comfortable rapport, so don’t rush it. You will need to do a lot of work when they first arrive to ensure there is no pressure to engage while also being as present as possible. Be patient and accept that this is a process and they are human and may have anxiety and conflict in their mind to work through. They may not warm up to you straight away, so stay realistic.
Establish Some Boundaries
One thing that you can do that will be extremely useful as you move forward is to establish some boundaries. This could look like you sitting down with the child and letting them know the household expectations. It might also be conversations about technology use and safe decisions. It really is up to you to determine what is appropriate, but boundaries are non-negotiable and help everyone feel safer.
Don’t Be Overbearing
Try to give them some space to find their feet in this new environment. If they are clearly indicating they want some alone time, have the self-awareness to back off and let it be. There will be all the time in the world to establish a relationship. For now, the most important thing is to support them in feeling confident and comfortable with the new situation.
Listen and Respond
You can listen to them when they communicate, and you absolutely should. Responding can look like many things from saying nothing at all to asking them if they want a way forward. You decide what is necessary, just don’t ignore them when they speak up regardless of whether you agree or disagree.
The all-important first placement is a life-changing moment for any foster carer. You will naturally want it to be successful, but the best foster carers accept that nothing can be perfect. There will be room to grow, it just takes time.
