Life After Domestic Violence

Escaping from a dangerous domestic situation is a very scary and hard thing to do. Life after you leave the toxic cycle of staying, is also as difficult. It may seem you may never get to how your life was before, but you have a great journey ahead of you to learn and grow and blossom into somebody even better. 

Escaping the Cycle

Types of domestic violence:

• Physical abuse
• Sexual abuse
• Financial abuse
  • Controlling finances and abuse of credit to make leaving the situation hard
• Emotional abuse 

Safety Plan:

• When to safely leave when abuser is absent, where to go, and how to leave
• Track evidence of abuse (pictures, hospital bills, damaged items, journal entries, etc.)
• Bag of essentials
  • Keys, important documents, medications, change of clothes, valuable personal items
• Set aside money where abuser can’t find it
• Talk to a Breckenridge domestic violence attorney, especially if you have children
• Contact a domestic violence organization for support and help

Healing Journey

Emotional Wellbeing

• Focus on things that evoke positive emotions for when you may be feeling anxious, scared, lonely,  or depressed
  • Journaling, music, exercise, walking, etc.
• Think of why you left in the first place
  • You deserve more than where you were before
• Get professional help
  • Seek out help from a counselor or mental health professional 
• Give yourself time and space
  • Focus on yourself and what you need

Surround Yourself with Loved Ones

When moving on, it’s important to surround yourself with a support system of people that you can trust, usually friends and family members. Many people are embarrassed or feel like a burden and don’t want to face their friends or family after abuse, but you need to remember that they love and support you. No matter what happened to you, they just want what’s best for you. 

Instead of isolating yourself, the more time you spend with your loved ones, it can help you heal emotionally and bring a positive light to how you are feeling. They may also help suggest things that may help you continue healing such as support groups or even a new job. 

Seek a Restraining Order

In Colorado, a victim of domestic violence may go to civil court to file a restraining order. First, you will obtain a temporary restraining order (TRO) that lasts up to 14 days. Usually a judge can decide a TRO on the same day you request it in court. Afterwards, you have to return to court on the date indicated on the TRO in order for the court to issue a permanent restraining order (PRO). If you do not return on this date, your TRO will expire.

If you need legal assistance setting a restraining order up and would like to pursue legal action against your abuser, contact a Breckenridge domestic violence attorney. 

Financial Independence

As mentioned before, a form of domestic violence is financial abuse. Many people will control the finances- the ability to acquire, use and maintain. Some may even go so far to destroy the other’s  credit, making it harder to leave as they are now unable to get a car or a place to live. 

Becoming financially independent after being abused, takes some time, but a good place to start is to educate yourself on financial topics such as financial planning. From there you can open your own bank account and start saving. If you have enough money for the minimum deposit, open both a checking and savings account. 

You should start saving 20% of your paycheck into your savings as an emergency fund, which should eventually amount to at least 3-6 months worth of spendings. Once you have your own account, budget for your life, and then lastly, build your credit. 

Build Healthy Connections

As survivors of abuse continue to return to their lives before the abuse, it’s important to rebuild your trust with people. This phase is where you may meet new people and form new connections, but also be able to set boundaries to ensure good emotional health. Prioritizing an open space for communication and respect is important to foster good relationships. Also being able to pick out red flags is important to not go back into a cycle of abuse. By embracing people and healthy relationships, people can rebuild themselves and foster a safe space for healing and growth.