Veteran Parents: 4 things you should know
Serving in the military away from your family is not easy. You may worry about your children’s safety, wonder if they’re doing well in school, and regret not being there for their special occasions. However, once you return from active duty and finally get to be with your family, you can focus on building a relationship with them.
But this comes at a cost. When you’ve been far away from your children for a long time, there may be specific roadblocks between you and your child. At the same time, you need to find the delicate balance between being a parent and spoiling your offspring for not being there enough. To help you be the best parent to your child as you come back to them, here’s what you need to know:
- Take Care Of Your Health
Your children need you, and you must evaluate your health as soon as you get deployed with honors. Getting stationed at an active war zone can take a toll on your health. You may have been exposed to chemicals, fumes, and dust that settle in your body and can make you sick. For instance, the military who served in the 1980s had a high chance of exposure to asbestos since most military gear contained that fiber and developed a rare and aggressive cancer called mesothelioma. If you’re an older retired officer and you’re finally home with your adult children, you need to get tested for mesothelioma and tap into the resources that will help you fight this condition.
Regardless of age, your children will need you, so you should monitor your health and book a screening whenever you feel sick or have a deep muscle ache that is painful to experience. As a young parent, your infant children need your presence. Therefore, consult your doctor, get yourself tested and begin treatment immediately. Early detection increases your chances of recovering faster and prevents your condition from deteriorating.
- Understand Your Child’s Frustration
Your children may not be as welcoming as you anticipate once you get home. This is not unusual because getting stationed away from family can make your child angry and upset. Don’t take your child’s agitation as a personal attack on you. Instead, focus on why your offspring is bitter and work around their sadness. Maybe your child is angry that you don’t spend enough time with them or miss their birthdays. In such cases, you can devise a plan that allows you to spend time with your child for the whole day.
The only way to eliminate your child’s aggravation is by forming bonds with them again and removing your absence from their life. However, you’ll need to dig a little deeper if your child resists being around you and continues subjecting you to harshness and anger. Talk to your offspring, ask them to list any three emotions, and build your conversation from there. Do they feel abandoned by you? Do they feel that you are not paying enough attention to them, or is your child still not used to the idea of your being home? No matter what the reason is, start involving yourself in your child’s life again.
- Answer All The Tough Questions
Children tend to put their parents on the spot. Younger children have yet to learn to filter their thoughts and pick words. So if you have a younger infant, you should expect them to ask about your stationing, active military service, and ominous questions such as if you hurt someone. You shouldn’t be angry or rebuke your child for asking, but have a conversation with them and answer anything you can.
You don’t need to go into details on what happens during active duty, but make sure you present some information on what you did while you were away and how you handled your job. Children have a morbid way of asking some hard-hitting questions. This is their way of showing curiosity and confirming that you’re safe. If you feel uncomfortable answering, you can always tell your child that you’ll talk to them about it when they’re older. However, if your child is too young, you can also discuss age-appropriate ways of talking about active military service with your partner.
- Learn To Take A Break
Dealing with children at a time can get stressful. Your kids may be noisy, not listen to your instructions and cause disturbance in school. As a veteran, you may not be used to this disorganization, which can weigh down on you. At the same time, if you’re still dealing with the emotional effects of being on active duty, your child’s wild behavior and delicate mental health are not a good combination. Therefore, when you need to step back and take a break, make sure you do that. Ask your partner to step in and take over being the parent in charge while you take the backseat.
This may involve sleeping in till later, choosing to rest over socializing with your kids, and staying with a friend for the time being. But you cannot allow your emotional instability to control you. While taking a break is normal, staying disconnected from your family will only cause the rift to grow bigger. It would help if you looked into therapy and talked to your partner and loved ones about what you’re going through. Effective communication will help your family look after you and step in when you need them to rather than letting you fend off on your own. Make sure you keep your children in the loop of what’s happening, so they don’t feel left out.
Final Thoughts
Being veteran parents is not an easy task.
You must rebuild your relationship with your children from scratch and compensate for all the time you lost with them. This might understandably push your kids away from you and make them resent you. But with understanding and gentle parenting, you can win them over again. So take the time out to reconnect with your family, make sure you are healthy, and take the time to plan a day out with your kids. Anytime you feel stressed, it’s okay to take a step back and try again when you’re doing slightly better emotionally and mentally.
